My story of finding love
by Guest on 01/12/09 at 9:53 am
I was raised in Massachusetts. I went to church at a local Advent Christian Church. When I was fifteen years old I committed my life to Jesus Christ and was baptized. However, I also had sexual attraction for men. When I first told my Pastor, he told me that being gay was wrong. He told me that men were not created to be in a sexual relationship, only a man and a woman were created for that. So, I believed him for the longest time.
I also had an interest in organ and music, so I went to Eastern Nazarene College in Quincy, Massachusetts where I studied organ and church music. I graduated in 1994 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Church Music with an applied concentration in organ.
During my college years I again faced the fact that I was attracted to men. I saw a Christian counselor while I was there, who taught me that to have sex with other men was sinful and that I should avoid it at all costs. And so I accepted that and committed myself to celibacy.
In the year 1995 I was received in to the Catholic church through the RCIA program. I was interested in the Catholic church because of the beautiful liturgy and music I had heard. I also visited a Benedictine Monastery and fell in love with Benedictine spirituality. Over the years I moved away from my hometown. I had discerned a possible call to either monastic life or priesthood. However, every monastery or diocese I inquired at told me that they were very concerned of how “emotionally intimate” I was with men, and that they were uncomfortable with that.
In the year 2000 my father died and the last Benedictine monastery that was considering me to enter there, turned me down. I was lonely, depressed and scared. I started to seek out men and I became sexually active. Over the year 2000 I came out. My coming out counselor was a former Orthodox seminarian who counseled men who have sex with other men at a local AIDS Project.
I lived my life as an openly gay man from the end of the year 2000 through 2007. In 2001 I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota. I continued to work in Catholic parishes as an organist, but I found a lot of difficulty with many of the priests I was employed by.
Between 2001 and 2007 I was in two long term relationships. My first relationship was with a wonderful man, whom later we found that we were not compatible. My second long term relationship was with a man who had a lot of problems that were larger than mine. He stole money from me and lied to me throughout our time together. Eventually we broke up in the year 2006.
The year 2007 was a very difficult year for me, I began to question myself about being gay. So, I started going to the local Courage apostolate in August 2007. I went through that program as faithfully as I could until November of 2008. My last courage meeting another member said that he was discouraged that he would never get married or have children because he is gay. Another Courage member told him that he could get married to a woman if he wanted to and that there are lots of gay men in heterosexual marriages, and they are doing just fine. I left that meeting very angry, because I remembered all of the gay men in heterosexual marriages that are unhappy, feeling unloved and looking for sex with someone of the same-sex. These men do not know what to do or how to get out of the relationship they are in, without turning their life upside down. And here was someone advocating that kind of thing.
I stopped attending Courage meetings and on February 7th of this year, I met my wonderful partner Jason. We have been together since and we are very happy together. In late May of this year of 2009 we began attending St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral in Minneapolis, where we are loved, accepted and respected. Our being gay and being partners is a non issue for St. Mark’s Cathedral. On November 8th of this year Jason and I were welcomed as members of St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral. We are planning to go through the Discovery Classes in the Spring to be welcomed into the Episcopal Church by the Bishop.
I believe that God made me who and what I am, and God loves me that way. I believe that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people are made in the image and likeness of the Holy Trinity and that our sexual orientation is a gift to us and the world around us. I think it is wrong of Christians to try to politicize our sexuality and “treat” us as if we are sick people.
Thank God for a place like the Episcopal Church so that I can grow in my love for God and neighbor and celebrate the love my partner and I share.
- Anonymous
(When you post a shared story, it is wholly anonymous: not even your e-mail address is attached to your post. Therefore, if you wish your first name or some other identification as your by-line, be sure to attach it. And thanks to all who shared their stories!)
Some Hearts Close to Cracking: What Gay Catholics HAVE Done. « Queering the Church (towards a reality-based theology)
Dec 13th, 2009
[...] also encourages others to share their stories on his blog. This Guest Blog, called My Story of Finding Love, is a useful corrective to the idea that the fight by gay men is about an obsession with sex. [...]
Anonymous
Jan 24th, 2010
I am a christian, and I read this story, yes God does love you but he does not love the sin we committe while I want to response to this story I don’t want anyone to feel like I am attacking you or anyone who may read my response for this is not the purpose in which I write.
My interest is to speak truth, and if you want to know truth you will receive truth. Yes we are all made in the image of God but we we all born in sin so therefore were are sinner until God saves us from that sinful nature, and that nature is to do things that are not pleasing to God.
Do you believe the word of God? If you do you must believe what He said in this word. If you have a bible lets in the book of Leviticus 18th chapter and the 22nd verse it says that Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
These are not my words but God’s Thou meaning you me anybody that is a man shall not lie or lie down with mankind meaning lie down with man as you would with a woman it is abomination meaning something horrible: an object of intense disapproval or dislike
2. something shameful: something that is immoral, disgusting, sl God’s does not approveof this behavior.
In the intrest of truth God destoryed sodom an Goromra a city that was full of this kind of behavior this clearly lets us know that God does not like sin while God loves us He does not love the sin in us that is why we must be born again. Jesus said you should now the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Terence Weldon
Jan 30th, 2010
Yes, God hates “the sin”, but we must be careful about what we label as “sin”. Yes, Leviticus describes men lying “as with women” as an “abomination” – just like shaving one’s beard, wearing clothes of mixed fibres, and eating rabbit or shellfish.
The Jewish word used here, poorly translated as “abomination”, does NOT mean sin, but refers to transgressions of the Jewish purity code – as the rest of the passage makes clear.
Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for sinfulness – but nowhere in Scripture is there anything that says the sin of Sodom had anything to do with loving homosexual relationships. Rather, there are numerous texts which make it clear that the sin of Sodom was about gluttony, idleness, and lthe lack of hospitality to strangers and the needy.
Know the truth, and indeed it will set you free. This is why it is important that we have sites such as this one, and Queering the Church, and Jesus in Love, and many others, which set out the truth of the positive messages for gay men and lesbians in Scripture – not the false and bigoted interpretations so freely spouted in defence of heterosexual theology.
Gina
Feb 6th, 2010
God created Adam and Eve and said they were made in His image…that their union was a representation of the triune God’s symbiotic relationship one with eachother. He did not creat Adam and Steve or Eve and Karen. If those types of relationships were what he meant then He would have defined them as good as well. Homosexual acts are sin. Period. Sex outside of the bounds of marriage (always described in scripture as between a man and a woman) is also a sin.
katrina
Feb 17th, 2010
It amazes me that you so called christians are so eager to judge. From my Bible reading, judging others causes you to stand in God’s judgement. Make yourself without sin first, or you are not qualified to judge. Judgement belongs to God, so get over yourself. I guarantee we will all be sinning with our last breath. Christ came to save us through his undeserved grace. We are saved by faith and love. The amazing thing is the complete attention that is given to “sexual sin” while ignoring the sins of the heart–which Christ spoke of often. You are modelling yourself after the pharisee, who thought he was sinless and so much better than the sinful common man. Jesus had a special message for him…I never knew you. God judges our hearts. Gina, your judgemental heart possibly makes you more a sinner in God’s eyes than the one you seek to condemn as a sinner. You yourself are in danger of judgement. Perhaps you should be on your knees asking forgiveness for your sin. Your entire statement reeks of an arrogant ego who truly believes that she is better than the “sinner” she is condemming. It is hard for me to believe that God is more concerned about “sexual sin” than He is about sins of the heart.
I Corinthians:6:9-10
Feb 18th, 2010
Living Bible: “Don’t you know that those doing such things have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves, Those who live immoral lives, who are idol worshipers, adulterers or homosexuals-will have no share in his kingdom, Neither will thieves or greedy people, drunkards, slanders, or robbers.” Was Paul judging, or judgemental? Was he out of order with God? Did he whole the rights to the kingdom as to who could get in or not, or did he speak on the authority of The Most High God? He is the one that wrote the scriptures, how can we fight if we believe that God inspired him to instruct us to the way of the Kingdom! I Corinthians 6:9-10
Terence Weldon
Feb 19th, 2010
Before qu0ting isolated tverses, do a little more study. “Homosexuals” is a very poor translation for the Greek words actually used here, which may have applied only to the practice of temple prostitution, and to what the Romans called “softness” – which could mean effeminacy (not the same thing at all), or even just to love of luxury.
Jonathan Odell
Mar 7th, 2010
When you are speaking from your prejudice, hate, disgust and self-righteousness, you are no longer a spokesperson. You have defiled his Word with your own impurities.
The Bible, as God’s Word, is still living. I believe that the writings, from Genesis to Revelations, evolves as man’s capacity to understand evolves. The God of Genesis looks very little like Matthew, Mark, Luke, John or Paul’s God. If there is one thing that we can know about God, it is the direction in which our understanding of him evolves. And that direction is toward love, forgiveness and inclusion.
Tana
Mar 11th, 2010
I find it really sad that Christians are no longer followers of Christ. Christ taught to love God, ourselves and others. Nowhere does he say to judge others. Clearly that needs to be left to God. Don’t forget, according to Mathew on Judgment Day many of the religious will be condemned. “Be gone, I never knew you” are the words they will hear.
Scott C
Apr 14th, 2010
Actually, you are wrong. Jesus DID tell us to “judge with righteous judgement” in John 7:24. Paul wrote all of 1 Corinthians chapter 5 on judging so called “christians” that practice sinful behaviors, and that we shouldn’t condone it either.
If I have a predisposition to another sin, like MURDER, should everone be asked to embrace it? I’ll say they are judging me if anyone has a problem with it. God accepts us on HIS terms, not ours. We are to call out the sinner FROM their sin, which starts by recognizing what sin is. God is clear about that, regardless of how some want to justify it in the “Greek”.
We ARE called to judge those within Chistiandom, clear from 1 Cor 5, so quit having a problem with those doing what THEY are called by God (through Paul) to do.
Anonymous
Jun 13th, 2010
In leviticus ch 18 speaks a lot against incest i read verse 22 as having sexual relations with man within the family (mankind); which is why i believe noah cursed ham when he saw his farthers nakedness and something else was done as well and made him a servant of servants unto his brothern. Genesis 9: 21-25.
Pancho Mulongeni
Jun 18th, 2010
Response to the following comment on the post “My story of finding love” in http://www.gospelforgays.com
1. Living Bible: “Don’t you know that those doing such things have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves, Those who live immoral lives, who are idol worshipers, adulterers or homosexuals-will have no share in his kingdom, Neither will thieves or greedy people, drunkards, slanders, or robbers.” Was Paul judging, or judgemental? Was he out of order with God? Did he whole the rights to the kingdom as to who could get in or not, or did he speak on the authority of The Most High God? He is the one that wrote the scriptures, how can we fight if we believe that God inspired him to instruct us to the way of the Kingdom! I Corinthians 6:9-10
It is very interesting that you quoted this verse, In the first letter of the Corinithians. I wish to amplify the current discussion about the vesre by providing some context, albeit, to do just to context would entail survey course of monotheism in mesopotamia, from before Abraham, up to the time of Jesus in Israel. Nonetheless, let me try:
Paul is speaking about people who are outside the Church who really should not be invoked upon when disputes exist within the Church “If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgement instead of before the saints? Do you not know that the saints will Judge the world? And if you are to judge the world are you not competent to judge trivial cases. Do you not know that will judge angels? How much more things of this life?” I Corinthians 6 1:4
Here Paul makes it clear that as human followers of Christ, we should have the capacity to make judgements about wrong and right. Clearly, that is one aspect of being human, regardless of what your relgious conviction is. Nonetheless, this passage must be read in context with the “Judge not, that you not be judged, for with what judgement you judge, and with what measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” Matthew 7: 1:2
I see a tension between discerning between right and wrong and being judgemental to the point where you would not apply the same measures to yourself.
Nonetheless, Paul makes it clear that if there were disputes in the Church, such as the role and validity of same sexual orientations, believers are obliged to decide what is right according to the beliefs of the Church, rather than the mores (I dare not say morals) of the world.
Paul then rebukes those who seek legal recourse outside the church claiming that this shows they have “been completely defeated already.” (verse 7). Finally, in verse 9 he culminates his vituperation by giving a description of those outside the church: ” Do you no know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor the drunkards nor slanderers or swinderlers will inherit the Kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 9:11.
Here I would like to take stock of the list of people Paul throws out there. First of all, notice that they are all “wicked” that is to say outside the Church and depraved. I say depraved, because this parallels the other instance he speaks about wicked people in Romans 1, who purposefully turned away from God, who then gave them up to their sin. As in Romans, men who have sex with men are part of this wicked bunch. Notice that in my version of the Bible, the Gideons International version (which my father took from a hotel room, even though the first page says “This book is placed for succesive generations, please don’t take it away”) speaks of male prostitutes and homosexuals in addition to adulterers and ‘the sexually immoral’. Though I do not have the Greek at hand (nor do I understand it), I once read a commentary that pointed how the Greeks had different words for passive and active men. So Paul is pointing out that neither the active nor passive, top nor bottom, will inherit the kingdom of God. He sees these people as part of the world – the depraved world. When I see how hedonistic gay subcultures have become I wonder whether or the practices Paul refers to still exist.
On the other hand, the tops and bottoms in the Church, whatever Church that may be, who want to form loving relationships, do they feature in what Paul speaks about?
For me it is clear that for Paul it would have been unthinkable to be a top or bottom and a Christian at the same time. From his description, being a top or bottom seems to be a temporal state of sinfulness – a behavior – like adultery, rather than an identity or “sexual orientation”.
I want all of us to think about these implications before we jump to any conclusions about the condemnation of acceptance of our contemporary socially and self constructed identities as LGBT people.
Modern versions of the Bible give can through surprises. I was relieved to find that the author of the “The Message” – a modern rendering of the New Testament in “everyday language” does not even refer to Homosexuals! The author of the “The Message” Eugen Paterson claims to be have worked “at the border of two languages, English and ancient Greek” for thirty five years before writing “The Message”, a work that aims to impart the tone of the Greek scripture to readers.
Here is his version of 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11: “Don’t you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don’t care about God will not be joining him in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the ear and everything in it, don’t qualify as citizens in God’s kingdom.”
According to Patterson, the intent of this contentious passage is to point out those who exploit – use and abuse – will not inherit the kingdom of God. Sex it seems is just something that can be exploited. I wonder why Patterson did not specially include reference to “homosexuals” or men who have sex with men, or adulterers and all the other categories. He would have reinforced hegemonic conceptions about the nature of homosexual relations in Christianity if he had done so. Perhaps he wanted to make the New Testament inclusive enough not to distance LGBT people, who have been rejected time and time again. This makes me wonder whether his is nothing more than a politically correct, sugar coated, rendering of the original Greek.
Nonetheless, if we go along with Patterson’s version, the type of sex is not the issue; rather it is the way it in which it is done.
Notwithstanding, when we return to the Bible, we are still left knowing that our type of sex – same sex – is associated with the sinful. What are we to make of this? An unwarranted conflation of lust and same-sex practice or the Lord’s belief that same sex practice will always be wrong? I am for the former, because I believe that as has been the case in reform Judaism, Christians have come to realize the limitations of traditional interpretations of scripture.
I wish you all a blessed evening and may the discussion continue!